TheDolor

Turns out the curve in your mouth was no silver lining And your lips pressed together used to look like smiling But now it’s just a mouth And your lips are nothing more than what they are I use to kiss you and see lights and stars Now I can’t tell if the stars dance above me because I’m dazed and tipsy Or if they hung around like Christmas tree lights because you actually felt something Turns out the words you used to whisper softly in my ear Were nothing more than dangling sentences you wanted no one else to hear They were solely shared secrets between strangers And the whispered words are nothing more than whimper

I take another hit You're the vapor I know I said yesterday Id quit But that's not how it works for addicts The thing about addiction It's never bold on the label It's dressed to the nine with pale blue eyes Narcissist I take the shot down and I love the taste At least rather than my love, a waste I know that one bottle could never satisfy Because when the bottle is gone I'll find another way to get this high I never knew a person could do all this but thats the thing about addicts They say I should go to rehab take my heart to church but I can't subside my thirst it helps alleviate my hurt and what's worse? I'm an addict I don't want t

Flames or ice. Hellfire or holy water. Sacrilegious or sacrifice, Depends on the alter. I saw it all in black and white Until I no longer felt sad or happy No longer just wrong or just right All lines blurred the feeling Until I feel nothing. It's a weird word that encompass shallow breathing It's wild state of feeling everything too much It's overflows and overpours Until I can no longer wallow in it's banks And I'm forced to give up on the shore To lay in darkness, trapped in float tank. I use to never sleep or I'd rest too long, But now I toss until the break of dawn And the pills can't keep me quiet, They'll probably do me in, I

My darkness sits in a well And I spend my days peering in Lowering the bucket down Filling it to the brim I drink my darkness daily And sit and mope and cry Just stop drinking!  They say. Darkness spilling from my eyes My darkness rests in that well Vines wrapping around old stone I use to spend my days with you Now I sit and drink alone I drink that darkness daily Thinking maybe I'll drown But it just wets my eyes And darkness splashes down My darkness made home in that well I sit and peer into its depth I continue to drink from the bucket Hoping maybe I'll end up dead

You're a constant in my thoughts since our first moment. My thinking orbits undeviating around thoughts of you and thoughts of us. I do not know what occupied this space in my head and heart before I happened upon you.  Happened upon is a phrase too much left for chance and this was no twist of fate. It was not a coincidental collision or slight roll of a die. I was fragmentary and obtuse, not knowing how disconnected I had truly become from myself and from others.  I would consider you my trouvaille but my darling, I do not believe that luck has had any part in this.  My bones have been formed with such precision to hold the weight of my bod

My demons come in waves His touch for moments keeps them at bay But they still whisper words id never say Telling me I’m only so so Barely enough or just too much No wonder why I’m someone you couldn’t love My angels keep me guarded But I’m still so broken hearted I go jumping off cliffs Driving too fast Because goods things come and they don’t last I’m just barely holding on No wonder why I’m someone you couldn’t love My thoughts can’t keep me grounded They’re too fast paced Blunts - cocaine laced And fast cars Playboy bunnies and hopping bars A little self destruction and

I exist in a universe outside all the rest Residing alone in the deepest darkness And you reach your hand through and try to touch But I was never alive enough - to feel, to see I’m something beyond living Invisible to a world that’s unforgiving You try to find me and to understand But Ive never resided in the land of the living I walk through walls And my voices carries not past my own ears I’m in a world that’s made for puppets and dolls Where no one notices when life disappears I killed myself years ago But everyone’s to blind to know That my shell stays hollow And my skin faded away I’m mere dust a

I find myself beginning once again. So far from an elusive end. My consistent sigh of breath, I detest. My constant need to inhale and exhale, I repress. But still I find myself trying to impress. And I'm still trying to do what's right without seeming suppressed. But to you, what I'm fighting for, isn't even worth the fight. And this bending and winding, This turning, With no assurance of an end. No reassurance to possibly again begin! Failing is not an option I was given! You made that crystal when I first began. This pressure. This needed perfection. The weight of the sky. The air so dense. The world spinn